When it comes to forgiveness and having peace of mind, the most important person you need to forgive is yourself. This may be the hardest of all when it comes to forgiving. We have all done things that we aren’t proud of but as long as we’ve learned and are doing better things than it is time to let it go.
I’ve done some pretty awful things in my time. I’ve hurt friends. I’ve been totally selfish and outright nasty to some people. I like to pass it off that I mostly did these things when I was young, which is true, but I never really let myself off the hook. Here’s the thing that took me a long time to figure out…we all have some sort of skeleton in our closet. It’s time to close the door.
Nobody is perfect so I’m not sure why we hold ourselves to a higher standard than we think other people have to live up to. Would you berate and harass a friend of yours if you thought she was doing the wrong thing? More than likely you would have a calm, rational discussion about your concerns. You wouldn’t beat her up the way you do with yourself. Why not treat yourself with the same compassion and kindness? We often talk to ourselves so harshly that if someone else was talking to us that way we would more than likely step up and defend ourselves. Start treating yourself with more kindness. Start treating yourself like you would your best friend…because you know what, you are!
Good people sometimes do bad things. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person. It means you had a lack in judgement or you were selfish for a moment or you lashed out because you were tired and feeling misunderstood. Beating yourself over things you wish you could change will not do you any good. Make a conscious effort to act better, be better and move on.
We’ve all probably done stupid things in our past we wish we didn’t as well. I personally followed a local band all around Philadelphia for years and years because I was in lust with the lead singer. He didn’t want anything to do with me. In fact, there were times I walked in I could see him roll his eyes. Yep, tried to talk to him all the time. I was annoying AF! Do I wish I could go back and do things differently now? Absolutely, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I had some of my most fun times going to see that band and I truly like the music they played. I actually did just go see said band recently (yes, they are still playing) and it brought back a lot of good memories. I just focus on the fun and not the humiliation. And guess what? I didn’t even try to talk to him. Because I’m a happily married woman and it’s just not my thing anymore (and he’s really old now…lol). But I still had a blast!
Life goes in phases. There will be times when everything is all about you and as long as you aren’t a total jerk that is okay. There will be other times when your life will be all about someone else and you will miss those selfish days. But stop beating yourself up over things you cannot change. It’s pointless. It makes you feel bad about yourself. You probably forgive people for doing similar type things that you have done and you let them off the hook. You need to do the same for yourself.
Life is hard. Don’t make it harder. You have to find a way to love yourself. The good, the bad and the ugly. There is certainly room for improvement when it comes to most people but even the qualities you don’t like about yourself will sometimes serve a purpose. Embrace who you are. If you truly think you are awful, then change! It’s really that simple. But don’t go through life beating yourself up. There are enough people willing to take on that job. No matter what you’ve done, you can forgive yourself. Unless it was completely out of malice but I don’t think you would worry about forgiving yourself if that was the case.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. Let the joy in. Stop thinking you are a terrible person because I have a pretty good feeling you aren’t. Especially if you worry that you are. Take a moment to think of the absolute worst thing you’ve done. Does anyone know about it? Have they forgiven you? Do they think you are a horrible person? If you are too ashamed to have told anyone than it is more than time to let it go. It was so long ago that you have done so many other wonderful things since then. Just forgive. Forgive yourself. Enjoy your life. Enjoy your own company. Enjoy the ride. We’re all learning and trying to get it right.
It is a cocktail Friday, finally! Woo, hoo. Give yourself a pass this weekend. Get your errands done as early as you can so you have time to just be. Whatever it is you choose to do this weekend, make it something you love. Reward yourself. Because I said so. Now, go make it your best day yet!
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